How to open a coconut
Okay, so there you are… marooned in the Florida Keys, adrift for endless hours among the mangrove islands upon your boat and enjoying a nice Rum Sundowner (cocktails for you landlubbers). Suddenly and without warning it happens — you run out of mixer.
I know, very traumatic if you are not expecting it. You’ve been enjoying the evening and now the black cloud of depression begins to set in… but wait! There is hope!
You spot a bunch of coconut trees on the next island just ahead. There they are, nature’s mixers, yours for the taking. Salvation looms just above the rum bottle. All you have to do is open the coconut.
The finished, and ready coconut
You break out your knife and start hacking. Twenty minutes later you grab a flat headed screwdriver. Next comes the hammer. Checking the width of the coconut , you determine that the vise will not open large enough to insert the now mangled and tattered coconut. Vise grips, pliers, I’ve even tried cutting with a keyhole saw. The hacksaw was simply too much work. I was ordered, by the Admiral, to just put the skill saw back down or she would cut the cord.
Frustrated, you toss the coconut into the water where it makes an ungainly ‘kaploop’ as you toss it over the side, unopened, devoid of any rum flavoring.
Aha! There is hope. Here is the step by step guide on ‘How to open a coconut’. You shall never again be faced with having to consume your Rum Sundowner without the sweet fresh coconut just waiting for your drinking pleasure.
There are several common tools needed to accomplish this task. Once you have managed to open a few, you will quickly become an expert and amaze all your friends with your natural survival instincts and abilities. You could also become very popular should you get selected for the Survivor T.V. series.
If you intend to make a machete one of the tools, and plan on hacking off a once usable limb, you can stop reading now and check your insurance policy. This is the process your kids can utilize. (sans the rum)
1. Place the coconut on the ground. It will have three or so semi-flat sides. Remove toes from the immediate area.
2. Take a small pointed shovel or spade. Stab the coconut with the convex (outwardly curved portion) toward the inside, or middle, of the coconut.
3. Do the same in reverse order with another shovel. The object here is to have the back of the shovels against each other. You do not have to get tremendously deep here, just get a good ‘bite’ into the husk.
4. Now, with the backs of the shovels touching, use the handles to pry open the husk a little bit. Make a couple of good ‘stretches’ in the husk.
5. Roll the coconut onto another side and repeat. Then roll it, and repeat.
6. The nut is now exposed and you can easily tear it from the husk.
7. The husk works for your small beachside campfire, as a planter for the pretty orchids, or air plants you may have hanging around (you can sell them to your friends, or they make great gifts).
8. Shake the nut and listen to the milk sloshing around in there. That is what we are after next.
9. Hold the nut so you can see the top. There are three plugged holes. Some folks call this the monkey face. The ‘mouth’ will always be the softer of the three holes.
10. Poke this hole with the screwdriver you had earlier. Just kind of dig it out. If using a knife, be very careful… really, it will hurt, trust me. I know of such things.
11. Once the plug is dug out, pour the clear rum mixer into any handy container.
Here is the tricky part: deciding if you want to eat the coconut now, flavor it, or save it. So, to flavor it, pour some rum into the hole and plug with a leftover wine cork you have whittled. (There is lots of time on a sailboat for these sorts of activities.) You can decide to cut it in half and make a really cool drink cup out of the lower portion, or any other manner of really extraordinarily cool neat things. But for now, let’s assume you have an anxious parrot wanting to get at the sweet white meat inside the nut and we need to cut this thing open.
12. Grab that hammer you had earlier and give the nut a couple of easy whacks. It will crack fairly easy now that the little hole has been dug open. Whack it into manageable pieces.
13. Get that knife you had earlier. This will allow you to pry the white meat off of the brown nut shell. Be careful, you can get cut, trust me, I know of such things.
14. Share the coconut with your parrot.
15. Flavor to taste and then sip the rum as the sun sets.
Enjoy the fresh juice and meat. While you’re at it, tip your drink my way and give us an ‘Ahoy’!
Footnote: In response to readers comments I’ve linked the photos so you can view a larger image. Double click them and there you have it~magic! And while your at it, leave some comments, or share the link with your friends. It’s all FREE!
Filed Under: Scuttlebutt
About the Author: I'm a retired deputy sheriff turned sailor and author. Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions for anything you might like to read about. Hopefully I'll see you out on the water!