Dear Capt. Bilgeplug / the nap…
Dear Capt. Bilgeplug,
I could sure use some advice. None of my friends in the marina are willing to get involved, or offer any advice.
You see, I don’t seem to get enough time hanging out at my boat. When I’m at home my wife keeps me hopping with a list of chores. Mow the lawn, paint the garage floor, bury the dead cat; the usual. I thought I bought the boat for a bit of rest and relaxation, but when we get to the marina, it’s just another long list of chores. Mop the deck, fix the lights, throw out the dead baitfish…
I’m starting to not like my boat, or the marina anymore. It just seems wrong somehow…
Can you help?
Jerry Kann
m/v ‘T-Back’
Dear Jerry,
First, I see that you have a powerboat by your signature, m/v (motor vessel). I do like the name, ‘T-Back’. Is she named after your wife? We like to publish photos here on the blog, so if you could send some along…
Now then, onto your dilemma. Motorboaters are a strange and odd bunch. Too much torque mixed with exhaust fumes I think. It’s not surprising you have to turn to a ‘blow-boater’ for advice. We have a section in my marina where the motorboats are sequestered. We do often find ourselves avoiding that side of the marina unless we are missing something.
It’s apparent that you need to spend some time at the marina with your boat alone to begin healing. It can be a delicate maneuver separating yourself from the Admiral without drawing suspicion. They have a keen eye for any kind of a con involving going to the boat without them. Therefore it is imperative that you get her to think it’s her idea to stay home while you go to the marina.
Grab a cordless drill, some bits, your tool bag, and snatch one of the pretty guest towels from the bathroom.
“Ummm, what do you think your doing with that towel?” she will ultimately ask.
“I have to fix the flangeulator in the bilges. Remember the noise you told me about the last time we were out?” Look very concerned at this point. “I need you to hold the rhumb line while I lube it with relative bearing grease. If you cover yourself with this towel you won’t get any grease on your shirt.”
“What??? I can’t get greasy, I just had my nails done.”
“It will come out with some MEK, just soak your nails in it, oh- and can I use that tupperware bowl?”
Success comes as she is yanking the towel out of your hand. “Not that towel you don’t, and you will have to find one of your play friends at the marina to get all greasy.”
“But honey, nobody there works for free, I’ll have to buy somebody some beer just to get them to help. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just have your nails done over?”
By now you should find yourself standing in the driveway with an old towel, beer money, and permission to be late. So, head for the boat, have a couple of cold beers, and take a nap while listening to some Buffett. The tide will have changed and you will once again be happy with your boat.
Ahoy,
Capt. Bilgeplug
Filed Under: Capt. Bilgeplug
About the Author: I'm a retired deputy sheriff turned sailor and author. Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions for anything you might like to read about. Hopefully I'll see you out on the water!